


I know now, without a doubt, that Kingdom Hearts - is LIT

by DootNoot7125



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/M, M/M, Multi, Non-binary Xion, Not Canon Compliant, everyone is their own person au, everyone swears but honestly what do you expect they're milennials, i'm so sorry for making this, i'm very tired and don't know how to order tags sorry, mostly shitposting, my updates are going to be inconsistent as fuck and i'll apologize for that now, plot will not be mentioned, roxas and ven are also brothers (ven is one year older), sora and vanitas are brothers (vanitas is about 2 years older), the two sets of brothers are cousins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-03-17 13:38:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13660119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DootNoot7125/pseuds/DootNoot7125
Summary: the kh chatfic that nobody asked for





	1. ven learns lots of things

**Author's Note:**

> i literally wrote this after 12 hours of being awake and having gotten 5 of sleep after one in the morning i'm sorry  
> \---------  
> Lockpicker has added Disney Princess~; Hello, Darkness, My Old Friend; Nap Time; Hot Topic; Art Queen; and Gender is a Social Construct to the group A Far-off Memory is Like a Scattered Meme
> 
> Lockpicker: welcome to the meme fields motherfucker  
> Hot Topic: what in the fresh fuck is this

**Lockpicker has added Disney Princess~; Hello Darkness My Old Friend; Nap Time; Hot Topic; Rucksack;  
Art Queen; and Gender is a Social Construct to the group  _A Far-off Memory is Like a Scattered Meme_**

\------------------------

 **Lockpicker:** welcome to the meme fields motherfucker

 

 **Hot Topic:** what in the fresh fuck is this

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Okay, so that's Vanitas.... who's everyone else?

 

 **Disney Princess~:** Kairi!

 

 **Art Queen:** Naminé

 

 **Nap Time:** Ven

 

 **Rucksack:** Roxas

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** Xion

 

 **Lockpicker:** b a B E

 **Lockpicker:** I AM INSULTED

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** ,,,,,

 **Hello, Darkness, My Old Friend:** Sorry, Sora.

 

 **Hot Topic:** so what the hell is the point of this

 

 **Lockpicker:** ,,,,good question actually

 **Lockpicker:** i mostly made this so we could just talk whenever, but about what, i have no clue

 

 **Disney Princess~:** maybe we could start with a nickname explanation? Sora, I feel like you're holding out on us

 

 **Lockpicker:** OH YEAH i never told you

 **Lockpicker:** basically for some reason i can pick just about any lock and nobody knows why

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Kairi, you didn't know this?

 

 **Disney Princess~:**   _are you telling me that you knew this_

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Yeah??? We've all known each other for like ten years????

 

 **Lockpicker:** ,,,,, well actually i just didn't tell kai ever

 **Lockpicker:** mostly because she'd accuse me of doing Bad Illegal Things

 

 **Disney Princess~:** _but have you done said things_

 

 **Lockpicker:** ,,,,,,

 **Lockpicker:** no comment

 

 **Disney Princess~:** OH MY GOD SORA

 **Disney Princess~:**  I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE BEEN DATING A CRIMINAL

 

 **Nap Time:** Wait I thought Sora and Riku were dating?

 

 **Lockpicker:** that is still true

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Yes we are.

 

 **Disney Princess~:** yep

 

 **Nap Time:** But you and Sora are also dating?

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** correction: they're all dating each other

 

 **Nap Time:** OH

 **Nap Time:** Ok that makes a lot of sense actually.

 

 **Hot Topic:** ,,,,,,you're literally sora's cousin how did you not know this

 

 **Rucksack:** in case if you haven't noticed, Ven is pretty dense when it comes to things like this

 **Rucksack:** he literally didn't know Xion is nonbinary until they told him, even after calling them "they"

 **Rucksack:** i don't think he even know nonbinary was a  _thing_

 

 **Nap Time:**   _Don't call me out like this how could you betray your own brother_

 

 **Rucksack:** it's actually super easy

 

 **Art Queen:** Now I'm wondering if Ventus even knows that Xion and I are dating....

 

 **Nap Time:** ,,,,,,,

 **Nap Time:** WELL I DO NOW

 

 **Rucksack:** _WOW_

 

 **Hot Topic:** holy shit you're more pathetic than i thought

 

 **Lockpicker:** yeah i usually don't side with vani but just

 **Lockpicker:** they're even more obvious than me, riku, and kai

 

 **Nap Time:** _I'M SORRY_

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** it's fine don't worry

 

 **Art Queen:** Now then, onto the reason I even started speaking again:

 **Art Queen:** _It is literally 1:02 AM and if none of you go to bed soon, I will personally see to it that you do_

 

 **Lockpicker:** oh shit she's mad

 **Lockpicker:** well gn i ain't fucking with Angry Nami

 

_**Lockpicker is now offline** _

 

 **Hot Topic:** i'm gonna make sure he doesn't just go play video games until six am again

 

_**Hot Topic is now offline** _

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** As the responsible one, I am also not defying Naminé and going to bed.

 

_**Hello Darkness My Old Friend is now offline** _

 

 **Rucksack:** night

 

 **Nap Time:** Good night!

 

_**Rucksack is now offline** _

 

_**Nap Time is now offline** _

 

 **Disney Princess~:** Good night and sleep well!!

 

_**Disney Princess~ is now offline** _

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** night babe

 

 **Art Queen:** Good night, honey!

 

_**Gender is a Social Construct is now offline** _

 

_**Art Queen is now offline** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, the chat name is inspired by chachacharlieco on tumblr (go follow them they're great)  
> a guide to the usernames:
> 
> lockpicker - sora  
> rucksack - roxas  
> disney princess~ - kairi  
> hello darkness my old friend - riku  
> nap time - ventus  
> hot topic - vanitas  
> art queen - namine  
> gender is a social construct - xion


	2. kingdom of memes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL: sup mcfucks
> 
> Hot Topic: jesus fuck please no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nickname reminder (even though y'all probably don't need it)
> 
> lockpicker - sora  
> rucksack - roxas  
> hot topic - vanitas  
> nap time - ven  
> disney princess~ - kairi  
> hello darkness my old friend - riku  
> gender is a social construct - xion  
> art queen - namine

**Rucksack:** hey sora

 

 **Lockpicker:** hold up i’m a little busy gimme a few seconds

 

 **Rucksack:** ok

 

 **Lockpicker:** ok what is it

 

 **Rucksack:** can i have one of my friends join

 

 **Lockpicker:** uh,,, have any of us ever met him

 

 **Nap Time:** Roxas I swear to god if it’s who I think it is...

 

 **Rucksack:** you shouldn’t swear at god he never did anything to hurt you

 **Rucksack:** also yes it is

 

 **Nap Time:** goD

 **Nap Time:** DAMN IT

 

 **Lockpicker:** s o   u h

 **Lockpicker:** what’s this guy like

 

 **Rucksack:** don’t worry you’ll like him

 

 **Lockpicker:** i know i shouldn’t but i trust your judgement

 

 **Rucksack:** YES

 **Rucksack:** ok gimme like ten seconds

 

 **Nap Time:** dear god why

 

**_Rucksack has added FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL to A Far-Off Memory is Like a Scattered Meme_ **

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** sup mcfucks

 

 **Hot Topic:** jesus fuck please no

 **Hot Topic:** we already have sora we don’t need anyone else like this

 

 **Rucksack:** this is lea, say hi, lea

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** hi, lea

 

 **Rucksack:** ,,,,,,

 **Rucksack:** _y’know fuckin what lea_

 

 **Lockpicker:** w o w

 **Lockpicker:** let it be known that i wish my entrances were like that

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** thank you I try

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** also I gotta ask

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** how old are all of you

 

 **Lockpicker:** 16

 

 **Rucksack:** 16

 

 **Hot Topic:** 18

 

 **Nap Time:** 17

 

**_Gender is a Social Construct is online_ **

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** wow I love that name

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** thank you. also i’m 15, about to be 16

 

 **Lockpicker:** aren’t you and nami on a date today

 

**_Art Queen is online_ **

 

 **Art Queen:** Yes, we are. However, Xion saw that we had a new person and demanded we say hi.

 

**_Disney Princess~ is online_ **

 

 **Disney Princess~:** (crashes in five years late with Starbucks) hi what’d I miss

 

 **Hot Topic:** it was only a matter of time before we would resort to memes

 

 **Lockpicker:** HEY

 **Lockpicker:** LITERALLY THE FIRST THING I SAID WAS A MEME

 

 **Hot Topic:** that doesn’t count because you’re meme trash anyways

 

 **Lockpicker:** ,,,,,i mean you aren’t wrong

 

 **Disney Princess~:** oh are we telling our ages

 **Disney Princess~:** I’m 16

 **Disney Princess~:** Riku’s busy today, so he probably won’t be on, but he’s 17, 18 pretty soon

 

 **Art Queen:** I’m about to turn 17

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** daaaaaamnnnnn

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** y’all are so _young_

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** I’m 21

  
**Gender is a Social Construct:** _mom holy fuck_

 

**Art Queen:** How do you and Roxas even know each other?

**Rucksack:** _weLL_

**Rucksack:** basically what happened:

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** when Roxy was a wee bab, he decided he wanted to go to a skate park all by himself. this did not end well for him and as the only other person there, I decided to patch him up the best I could and give him a ride home.

**Rucksack:** when you say it like that it sounds embarrassing

**Nap Time:** Yeah, well, you deserve it. Nobody knew where you were!! And then you came back all scuffed up AND with a twisted ankle!!

**Lockpicker:** how did nobody else know this

**Rucksack:** you never asked

**Lockpicker:** that’s fair

**Rucksack:** wait a second, “wee bab”??? I WAS 12

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** yeah

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** 12 = wee bab

_  
_ **Hot Topic:** i take it back i like this guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new member!! also i literally finished this at 12:15 am please forgive me  
> FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL - lea


	3. existential crises at 3 am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Posted in honor of Seth getting his Sephiroth medal in khux  
> \----------
> 
> Hello Darkness My Old Friend: Sora, it’s uh...  
> Hello Darkness My Old Friend: Three AM.
> 
> Disney Princess~: you know that’s not going to mean anything to him
> 
> Lockpicker: TIME IS AN ILLUSION CRAFTED BY THE GOVERNMENT TO MAKE WORK LABOR FORCES A THING
> 
> Hello Darkness My Old Friend: Why the fuck are you still awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames -  
> Lockpicker - Sora  
> Hot Topic - Vanitas  
> Rucksack - Roxas  
> Nap Time - Ventus/Ven  
> Gender is a Social Construct - Xion  
> Art Queen - Naminé  
> Disney Princess~ - Kairi  
> Hello Darkness My Old Friend - Riku  
> FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL - Lea

**Lockpicker:** do you ever think about how we, the human race, have no proof that anything we perceive is real

 **Lockpicker:** like

 **Lockpicker:** we could all just be stuck in an endless limbo

 **Lockpicker:** for all i know maybe even _i’m_ not real

 **Lockpicker:** maybe i’m just dreaming this up and i’m actually some kid on a tropical island

 

 **Rucksack:** sora what the fuck

 

 **Hot Topic:** oh boy

 **Hot Topic:** welcome, one and all, to the “sora is super fucking tired so now he spouts deep and philosophical, sometimes unsettling, shit” show

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** I see that you have just as much of a consistent sleep schedule as I do

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** which means that it’s basically nonexistent

 

**_Hello Darkness My Old Friend is online_ **

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Sora I can hear your existential crisis from the guest room what’s going on

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Go to sleep, please.

 

**_Disney Princess~ is online_ **

 

 **Disney Princess~:** (still sorry i couldn’t make it to movie night) Sora are you remotely ok

 

 **Lockpicker:** _what if there actually is some higher being but it’s just fucking with us and none of us are who we think we are_

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Sora, it’s uh...

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Three AM.

 

 **Disney Princess~:** you know that’s not going to mean anything to him

 

 **Lockpicker:** _TIME IS AN ILLUSION CRAFTED BY THE GOVERNMENT TO MAKE WORK LABOR FORCES A THING_

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** _Why the fuck are you still awake_

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** hey Roxy

 

 **Rucksack:** 1, stop calling me that

 **Rucksack:** 2, what

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** is it bad that I enjoy watching your cousin have multiple existential crises at ungodly times in the morning

 

 **Rucksack:** i’d say yes

 **Rucksack:** but i can’t judge because i, too, enjoy it

 **Rucksack:** i’m going to leave before ven comes in here and murders me

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** wait how would he even know

 

 **Rucksack:** i have no idea it’s like he’s psychic it’s actually kinda scary

 

**_Rucksack is offline_ **

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** i have a job so i guess i should at least attempt sleep before six am

 

 **Disney Princess~:** oh damn

 **Disney Princess~:** sleep well, Lea!!

 **Disney Princess~:**  I'm going to bed, too

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** thanks i’ll try

 

**_FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL is offline_ **

 

**_Disney Princess~ is offline_ **

 

 **Hot Topic:** i’m gonna sleep and sora i swear to god if you keep me up i will go up there and knock you out myself

 

**_Hot Topic is offline_ **

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:**......Sora do you want me to come in there so you can talk in person?

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Because I would.

 

 **Lockpicker:** ,,,,, _yes_

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Okay I’m on my way

 

 **Lockpicker:** thanks babe

 

**_Hello Darkness My Old Friend is offline_ **

 

**_Lockpicker is offline_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes this one's shorter  
> I'm fuckin tired I've gotten shit sleep the past few days  
> Also movie night will be addressed later


	4. Let's bring two older catholic people into the mix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nap Time: Okay since Roxas got to bring Lea, can I bring some much-needed adults here
> 
>  
> 
> Lockpicker: i’d say adults aren’t allowed but then we’d have to kick vani and lea out
> 
> Lockpicker: so yes bring more people
> 
>  
> 
> Nap Time: alright lemme just
> 
>  
> 
> Nap Time has added Rocky Balboa and Strong Independent Woman to A Far-Off Memory is Like a Scattered Meme
> 
>  
> 
> Nap Time: THERE WE GO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no, aqua and terra are not catholic

**Art Queen:** Okay, now that it’s actually a reasonable time in the day, I’d like to ask

 **Art Queen: @Disney Princess~** what did you mean when you said “movie night”?

 

 **Disney Princess~:** OH

 **Disney Princess~:** Riku, Sora and I usually pick a friday out of every month to just

 **Disney Princess~:** bundle up together and watch movies

 

 **Lockpicker:** mostly because it’s easier and cheaper than going on actual dates

 

 **Disney Princess~:** that, and we get to yell about movies together

 **Disney Princess~:** it’s actually super fun

 

**_Hello Darkness My Old Friend is online_ **

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** We switch off on whoever’s house we go to, and last night was Sora’s turn, which basically means we were watching Disney movies until one am.

 

 **Art Queen:** So which movie did you enjoy the most?

 

 **Lockpicker:** WE WATCHED THE LIVE ACTION VERSION OF BEAUTY AND THE BEAST AND LEFOU IS SO _GAY_ I LOVE HIM

 

 **Art Queen:** I shouldn’t have to ask but you got a kick out of Gaston (the song), didn’t you?

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** _You should’ve been there_

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Sora was screaming all of the lyrics and if not for his mom still being at a friend’s place, I think she would’ve turned the power off on us.

 

 **Lockpicker:** we were also gonna watch the little mermaid

 **Lockpicker:** but then i got sidetracked and told him about this super fun version of under the sea

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** By that point, Vanitas was there and dared Sora to sing it because he wanted to hear him fail

 

 **Art Queen:** oh no

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** SORA FUCKING _KILLED_ IT

 

 **Art Queen:** Please tell me you have a video of this

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** No but I have a recording

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** [ _i’m_gay.wav_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ttvt4thfcbw)

 

 **Lockpicker:** _“I’M_GAY.WAV”_

 

 **Disney Princess~:** _holy fuck Sora how come you’ve never sung for us before_

 

 **Lockpicker:** you never asked me to

 

**_Nap Time is online_ **

 

 **Nap Time:** First of all

 **Nap Time:** Holy shit, Sora

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** I KNOW, RIGHT?!

 

 **Nap Time:** Secondly

 **Nap Time:** Sora can I ask you a question

 

 **Lockpicker:** ,,,,,,,,

 **Lockpicker:** i feel like i shouldn’t say yes but yes go ahead

 

 **Art Queen:** Wow, such trust you place in your cousin.

 

 **Nap Time:** Okay since Roxas got to bring Lea, can I bring some much-needed adults here

 

 **Lockpicker:** i’d say adults aren’t allowed but then we’d have to kick vani and lea out

 **Lockpicker:** so yes bring more people

 

 **Nap Time:** alright lemme just

 

**_Nap Time has added Rocky Balboa and Strong Independent Woman to A Far-Off Memory is Like a Scattered Meme_ **

 

 **Nap Time:** THERE WE GO

 

 **Lockpicker:** _oh my god_

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** Ven, I know you warned us, but what is up with the name

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Hello! I'm Aqua, and the other one's Terra!

 

 **Lockpicker:** OH HELLO

 **Lockpicker:** IT'S BEEN FOREVER HASN'T IT

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** I'd say yes but I don't know who you are

 

 **Lockpicker:** _starts with an s_

 

 **Disney Princess~:** that's not a real answer and you know it

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** It's Sora.

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Oh! Yeah, it has been a while!!

 

 **Art Queen:** So... you all know each other?

 

 **Nap Time:** Terra and Aqua are basically honorary family, they’ve been super close to our parents for a while.

 

 **Art Queen:** Oh, that’s pretty cool!

 

**_FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL is online_ **

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** am I reading this right

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** do we have new people

 

 **Nap Time:** Yes!!!

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** _whomst_

 

 **Nap Time:** Roxas’s friend Lea.

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Oh! I think we might know each other!

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** you have my attention

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** You volunteer at the library, right?

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** well there goes my deepest darkest secret

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** yeah

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Do you remember the time some adults were acting like kids and attempted to start a fight?

 **Strong Independent Woman:** I think it was last summer

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** oh god yeah I was working that day

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Do you recall that they tried to pull a woman into their argument?

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** oh yeah,,, wait didn’t one of them make a sexual remark

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** and then she fucking suplexed him

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Yeah. That was me.

 

 **Lockpicker:** _MOM HOLY FUCK_

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** ok I know I’m gay but I would literally pay you cash money to suplex me

 

 **Disney Princess~:** _that’s a lotta damage_

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** I have been on the end of one of Aqua’s suplexes before.

 **Rocky Balboa:** She is very strong and I’m just a little bit scared of her.

 

 **Lockpicker:** same

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Same

 

 **Disney Princess~:** same

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** s a m e

  
**Art Queen: -** I leave to make lunch and I miss out on this- Also same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new usernames -   
> Rocky Balboa - Terra  
> Strong Independent Woman - Aqua


	5. Ok this isn't a new chapter but

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please just bear with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless self promotion time

I've made a Kingdom Hearts discord server if anyone wants to join

 

Link: https://discord.gg/6Skx2jm 

 

also i have a tumblr so that's a thing (dootnoot7125)


	6. the barista uprising of 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL has added Pikabitch, David Bowie, Bi Icon, and Glamazon Thot to A Far-Off Memory is Like a Scattered Meme
> 
> Pikabitch: jesus fucking christ no who did this  
> Pikabitch: LEA I SWEAR TO GOD NEXT TIME WE WORK THE SAME SHIFT I WILL RIP YOUR FUCKING THROAT OUT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING SOONER
> 
> this one took fuckin forever to write and it would've been longer but i had no more ideas so i just kinda ended it where it was

**Lockpicker:** do you ever find a really pretty song and then just cry

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** uhhhh yeah like once

 

**Lockpicker:** _ ever find an artist with multiple songs that make you cry _

 

**Rucksack:** sora are you okay

 

**Lockpicker:** FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE HAS RUINED MY LIFE BUT I’M OKAY WITH IT I LOVE HER MUSIC

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** OH SAME SHE’S GREAT

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Oh boy, a new obsession. Which song did it this time?

 

**Lockpicker:** [ _ the title is too much is never enough and it’s making me cry _ ](https://youtu.be/gX8G_insT1k)

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** I somehow haven’t heard this one hold on

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** o h

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** _ fuck ok yeah this is ouch _

 

**Lockpicker:** SEE I TOLD YOU

 

**Rucksack:** i usually don’t agree a whole lot with your music taste

 

**Lockpicker:** bro i listen to just about anything

 

**Rucksack:** but this is good--

**Rucksack:** i

**Rucksack:** y’know what you got me there

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** oh yeah this is a bit random but lea can i ask you a question

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Yeah sure what

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** through backreading and being here during conversations, i have discovered that you both volunteer at a library and have a job that requires you there at six am

**Gender is a Social Construct:** i don’t feel like any library would require you be there that early so what’s the other job

 

**Lockpicker:** oh wow i think that’s the most i’ve seen them write here

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Ok name the most generic thing you can think of

 

**Rucksack:** barista

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** THAT DOESN’T COUNT YOU KNOW ME

 

**Rucksack:** i’m just saving everyone else the trouble

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** Top ten anime betrayals of 2018

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Anyways yeah. Turns out lots of people like to have coffee before they go to their stuffy cubicle office at 6:30 am

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** And I just so happen to be on the morning shift

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** y’know for some reason this doesn’t surprise me

 

**Lockpicker:** same

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Sorry I was gone what’d I miss?

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** o h

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Yeah honestly I’m not surprised either.

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Actually speaking of my job

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Sora can I add some people

 

**Lockpicker:** uhhhh i don’t see why not

 

**_FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL has added Pikabitch, David Bowie, Bi Icon, and Glamazon Thot to A Far-Off Memory is Like a Scattered Meme_ **

 

**Pikabitch:** jesus fucking christ no who did this

**Pikabitch:** LEA I SWEAR TO GOD NEXT TIME WE WORK THE SAME SHIFT I WILL RIP YOUR FUCKING THROAT OUT

 

**Lockpicker:** ok nevermind this is the “why not”

 

**Glamazon Thot:** Now now Arlene, anger is a very ugly look on you.

 

**Pikabitch:** LIKE I GIVE A FUCK, LUMA

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** uhhhh lea

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Yeah what

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** what is this

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Remember Roxas, he stops by a few times

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** yea??

 

**Rucksack:** my cousin made a group chat and apparently we’re all out to drag everyone we know and love into this hellhole

**Rucksack:** also hey myde it’s been a while

 

**Glamazon Thot:** I believe I’ve only met Roxas once, and I don’t know anyone else here.

 

**Lockpicker:** i’m sora (roxas’s cousin) and i started this dumpster fire mess

**Lockpicker:** hold on

**Lockpicker: @all** WE HAVE NEW MEMBERS, INITIATE THEM

 

**_Art Queen is online_ **

 

**_Disney Princess~ is online_ **

 

**Art Queen:** Oh

 

**_Strong Independent Woman is online_ **

 

**_Rocky Balboa is online_ **

 

**Art Queen:** Hello!

 

**_Hot Topic is online_ **

 

**Hot Topic:** sora i swear to fucking god

 

**_Nap Time is online_ **

 

**Hot Topic:** that better be the last time you use an @ everyone or i’ll kill you

 

**Lockpicker:** ok

 

**Hot Topic:** YOU DON’T EVEN CARE DO YOU

 

**Lockpicker:** nope

 

**Hot Topic:** UGH

 

**Art Queen:** Well, I’m Namine! It’s nice to meet you!

 

**Disney Princess~:** I’m Kairi and dating my boys Sora and Riku

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Hello I’m Riku

 

**Nap Time:** My name’s Ventus, but you can just call me Ven.

 

**Strong Independent Woman:** I’m Aqua!

 

**Rocky Balboa:** Terra

 

**Hot Topic:** name’s vanitas, and if any of you try to shorten it, i will personally find out where you live and kill you

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** ,,,,,well okay then.

 

**Glamazon Thot:** Doesn’t “Vanitas” have multiple negative meanings?

 

**Hot Topic:** yes it does, bring it up again and i kill you

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** understandable have a nice day

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Lumaria where are you actually

 

**Pikabitch:** Myde and i are with him right now actually, we went out to have some fun

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** _ and you didn’t invite me??? _

 

**Pikabitch:** you weren’t home

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** ok that’s fair

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** _ wait you have my number _

 

**Pikabitch:** no, Myde does.

**Pikabitch:** and it’s not my responsibility to tell him to call you if he wants you along.

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** sorry lea

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** My revenge is dragging you all into this hellhole with me

  
**Lockpicker:** i’d take offense to that statement but it’s true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i’m putting headcanon names for marluxia, demyx, and larxene. I also hate “lauriam” and “lumaria” is prettier and honestly fits him??? So yeah lumaria, myde, and arlene, respectively.


	7. oh autocorrect, how we all hate you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lockpicker changed Hot Topic’s name to Vanilla
> 
> Vanilla: NO  
> Vanilla: I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU  
> Vanilla: PUT IT BACK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does aqua is mom

**Lockpicker:** Hey guys I’m feeling a feeling today what about you

 

 **Rucksack:** who are you and what have you done with sora

 

 **Lockpicker:** I AM INSULTED

 **Lockpicker:** MY OWN COUSIN, NOT RECOGNIZING ME

 

 **Rucksack:** YOU NEVER HAVE ACTUAL CAPITALIZATION

 

 **Lockpicker:** _Listen here you little shit I only have my phone right now because Vanilla took my laptop_

 

 **Nap Time:** wh

 

 **Lockpicker:** VANI. I MEAN VANI.

 

 **Rucksack:** HOLY SHIT

 

 **Nap Time:** DID AUTOCORRECT JUST DO THAT

 

**_Strong Independent Woman is online_ **

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** What did I walk into?

 

 **Nap Time:** Sora’s autocorrect on his phone changed an abbreviation of Vanitas’s name to “Vanilla”

 

 **Hot Topic:** i’ve been here the whole time and i resent this

 

 **Lockpicker:** OH SHIT HE’S HERE

 

 **Hot Topic:** if it makes you feel any better my autocorrect has tried to call you “dora” on multiple occasions

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** I think one time, for some reason, Terra’s phone thought he was talking about a bottled water brand rather than me.

 

 **Nap Time:** I don’t get it..?

 

 **Lockpicker:** FUCKING

 **Lockpicker:** A Q U A F I N A

 **Lockpicker:** I’M LOSING IT

 

 **Nap Time:** OH

 

 **Hot Topic:** okay hold on a second

 **Hot Topic:** sora i want you to stop trying to type correctly

 

 **Rucksack:** wait why are you saying that should i be afraid

 

 **Nap Time:** oh no

 

 **Lockpicker:** Be veey afrian

 

 **Rucksack:** h o l y   s h i t

 

 **Nap Time:** “n” isn’t even anywhere close to “d” how even

 

 **Lockpicker:** Odn’t udnerstemin my abiltiy to fuck thigns up

 **Lockpicker:** Especialay spelign

 

 **Hot Topic:** _jesus fucking christ_

 

 **Lockpicker:** It’s actualy worse on pohen

 **Lockpicker:** We woudln’t be ahving thsi prolem if vanilla didn’t take my laopto

 

 **Rucksack:** _are you sure_

 

 **Lockpicker:** Fat thmbs nobueno typing on phoen

 

 **Hot Topic:** _your autocorrect doesn’t pick up those typos, but apparently my name is actually “vanilla”_

 

 **Lockpicker:** HOLD ON

 

**_Lockpicker changed Hot Topic’s name to Vanilla_ **

 

 **Vanilla:** NO

 **Vanilla:** I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU

 **Vanilla:** PUT IT BACK

 

 **Nap Time:** Actually it’s a lot better than “hot topic”

 

 **Rucksack:** i agree with ven and that’s a rarity

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** I am... slightly concerned.

 

 **Vanilla:** i don’t know if i should be more surprised that it took you this long to say that or that your concern is only “slight”

 

 **Lockpicker:** Aqua I think you should’ve been concerned from the first moment you arrived

 **Lockpicker:** And not slightly, I’m talking full blown “are these kids okay” concerned

 

 **Rucksack:** in case you’re curious the answer is “no, we are not”

 

 **Lockpicker:** BIG MOOD

 

 **Vanilla:** PREACH

 

**_Gender is a Social Construct is online_ **

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** okay first, nice name, vanitas

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** secondly i only logged on to say this:

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** BIG SAME OH MOOD HAT WORM

 

**_Gender is a Social Construct is offline_ **

 

 **Vanilla:** what the fuck did xion just make me read with my own two eyes

 

 **Nap Time:** I don’t know either

 

 **Lockpicker:** M e m e s

 

 **Rucksack:** 3 of them to be exact

 **Rucksack:** they all mean the same thing

 

 **Vanilla:** it was a rhetoric question you dumb fucks

 

 **Nap Time:** I, at least, got something out of it.

 

 **Lockpicker:** Ben please do not tell me you didn’t know what those mean

 

 **Rucksack:** _ben_

 

 **Lockpicker:** V E N

 **Lockpicker:** I MEANT BEN

 **Lockpicker:** G O D

 **Lockpicker:** FUCK YOU PHONE

 

 **Vanilla:** this is fucking beautiful

 **Vanilla:** the only thing that could make this better was if i started this dumpster fire mess of a conversation

 

 **Rucksack:** i mean you kinda did by acknowledging “vanilla”

 **Rucksack:** the rest of us were fully accepting that sora is on a phone and autocorrect is stupid

 

 **Vanilla:** aaanndd you’re getting added onto my hit list

 

 **Nap Time:** _Vanitas no_

 

 **Vanilla:** _vanitas YES_

 

 **Rucksack:** i mean

 **Rucksack:** i don’t exactly have a huge issue with dying

 **Rucksack:** outside of simply not living for as long as i’d like

 

 **Lockpicker:** That’s a big fucking mood

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Okay you were right, I _should_ be more concerned about you kids.

 

 **Rucksack:** does this mean you’re going to be the mom friend

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** As long as Terra does the cooking, yes.

 

 **Rucksack:** o h

 

 **Nap Time:** I can’t say I didn’t see this coming,,,

 

 **Lockpicker:** Thank you momther

 **Lockpicker:** I am in debt

 

 **Vanilla:** wow sora i can’t believe you’d betray our own mother that easily

 

 **Lockpicker:** ,,,,,,

 **Lockpicker:** I have no regrets

 

 **Vanilla:** _do you though_

 

 **Lockpicker:** Why can’t I have 1 mom and 1 friend who’s like a maternal figure in my life

 

 **Rucksack:** he makes a fair point

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Don’t forget that I will destroy anyone who harms my children :)

 

 **Lockpicker:** _Holy fuck_

 

 **Vanilla:** aqua have i ever mentioned i’m lowkey terrified of you

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** That’s good, I always aim for that kind of aura.

 

 **Nap Time:** And what is it exactly?

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** I look amazing but I could also murder a man if not for my restraint.

 

 **Lockpicker:** I say this in a non-romantic way

 **Lockpicker:** But holy shit I love you

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** You should, I’m you mother after all

 

 **Lockpicker:** FSDHBFSDHFUILASFHAISF

 

 **Rucksack:** the rumor come out: does aqua is mom

 

 **Vanilla:** i’m fucking deleting this chat

 

 **Lockpicker:** THE FUCK YOU ARE, BITCH

 

 **Nap Time:** Sora’s the only mod??

 

 **Vanilla:** you didn’t need to say that and ruin my threat

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Well I have to go now, Terra and I are going out for supper.

 

 **Lockpicker:**!!!!!!

 

 **Rucksack:** have fun with your _boyfriend_

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Yes, that is the term typically used for male significant others.

 

 **Lockpicker:** Wait does this mean that Terra is our dad

 

 **Vanilla:** why are you like this

 

 **Lockpicker:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**_Strong Independent Woman is offline_ **

 

 **Rucksack:** well there goes our fun

 

 **Nap Time:** Until she gets back, of course.

 

 **Vanilla:** well she’s gonna be down a son if sora doesn’t change my name back

 **Vanilla:** i can’t figure it out

 

 **Lockpicker:** Then you’ll just have to murder me I guess

 

 **Vanilla:** ,,,,,

 **Vanilla:** i’m gonna go play a game where i can shoot people

 

**_Vanilla is offline_**

 

 **Lockpicker:** Well see you guys later

 **Lockpicker:** I’ll have my laptop by then

 **Lockpicker:** I’m stealing it back while vani (haha I won that this time) isn’t looking

 

 **Nap Time:** Good luck!

  
**Rucksack:** don’t fucking die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is based off a thing that actually happened to a friend of mine, we then made everyone else be named after food (except maleficent she’s too badass for this tomfoolery)


	8. late night talks with the caffeine club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glamazon Thot: Ah, youth. Young love. I miss it so much.
> 
> Pikabitch: so you’re finally admitting that you’re old
> 
> FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL: oh holy shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i needed a chapter with more of the barista club along with two other characters i’ve kinda neglected

**Glamazon Thot:** So, now that the kids are asleep...

 

**Pikabitch:** lumaria what the fuck are you doing awake

 

**Glamazon Thot:** _ Let me finish. _

**Glamazon Thot:** What’s everyone’s favorite drink?

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** oh that’s easy

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** mix coffee and 5 hour energy drinks

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** Uhhh Lea are you okay?

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** yeah I’ve been up for 30 hours and saw the face of god

 

**Pikabitch:** if i was a decent human being i would be worried

**Pikabitch:** fortunately, i am not either of those things

 

**Glamazon Thot:** At least she admits it.

 

**Pikabitch:** _ fuck off luma _

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** Anyways, if I had to pick a favorite...

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** Sweeter things, like smoothies or milkshakes

 

**Pikabitch:** black coffee

 

**Glamazon Thot:** So you like your coffee as dark and bitter as your soul?

 

**Pikabitch:** _ fuck. off. luma. _

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** cmon Luma, Arlene has her moments

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** not often, but still

 

**Pikabitch:** i hate both of you

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** What about you, Lumaria?

 

**Glamazon Thot:** Oh, that’s easy.

**Glamazon Thot:** Champagne.

 

**Pikabitch:** and nobody’s fuckin surprised

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** why are you like this, Luma

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** milkshakes are valid

 

**Pikabitch:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** i’ve been here the whole time

**Gender is a Social Construct:** i’m the internet equivalent of a cryptid because i don’t sleep

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** Aren’t you in school?

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** yeah so?

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** _Shouldn’t you sleep?_

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** sleep is for the weak

**Gender is a Social Construct:** and i am an unstable individual of average strength

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** LDKJFHLISKf

 

**Pikabitch:** holy shit

 

**Glamazon Thot:** Honestly, I’m impressed by that.

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** I want to be amused..

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** But you really should be sleeping.

 

**Art Queen:** Xion please, it’s 12:57 in the morning.

**Art Queen:** And for the record, I’m only awake because they won’t stop texting me and asking me questions about their homework.

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** baaaaaabbbbeeeeee

**Gender is a Social Construct:** i can’t math please help me

 

**Art Queen:** I have been, but it’d be much easier to help you later today when you’re coherent enough to attempt the math and not rely solely on me for answers.

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** see this is her way of telling me to go sleep

 

**Art Queen:** We can meet tomorrow after school, okay? Just go to bed because I am and I won’t be helping you when I’m sleeping.

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** ok

**Gender is a Social Construct:** night y’all

 

**_Art Queen is offline_ **

 

**_Gender is a Social Construct is offline_ **

 

**Glamazon Thot:** Ah, youth. Young love. I miss it so much.

 

**Pikabitch:** so you’re finally admitting that you’re old

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** _oh holy shit_

 

**Glamazon Thot:** 27 IS NOT OLD!

 

**Pikabitch:** still older than me, so it’s old in my book

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** Well thank god I’m younger, then...

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Arlene, what about me?

 

**Pikabitch:** i don’t think of you as old as much as that weird estranged cousin that shows up at family reunions even though they weren’t invited but everyone still has a fun time

 

**FLAMING HOMSEXUAL:** I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult

 

**Glamazon Thot:** It’s both.

 

**Pikabitch:** ^

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** Well, I’m gonna head off to bed, good night guys!

 

**Pikabitch:** ok

 

**_David Bowie, Bi Icon is offline_ **

 

**Glamazon Thot:** I am done associating with you heathens for the night.

 

**_Glamazon Thot is offline_ **

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** wow what a stone cold bitch

 

**Pikabitch:** you rang?

**Pikabitch:** anyways without luma around to bother i don’t have a reason to stay up

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** are you working tomorrow morning?

 

**Pikabitch:** yeah why

 

**FLAMING HOMSEXUAL:** I’ll see you tomorrow then.

 

**Pikabitch:** oh ok

 

**_Pikabitch is offline_ **

 

**_FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL is offline_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xion’s sleep schedule is fucked someone get them melatonin please  
> also i have zero clue how to write these guys o o p s  
> next chapter should have more terra because the poor man has been hit with the “unimportant” stick  
> another thing i'm aware lea says "tomorrow" even though it's like 1 am but i don't care because i do the same thing


	9. significant others supporting their significant others

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternate title: everyone drags sora for being too sappy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KEEP FORGETTING TO DO THIS, HUGE THANKS TO FALLEN_AVENGERS BECAUSE THEY BOOKMARKED THIS WITH THE TAG “AQUA CAN SUPLEX ME” AND HONESTLY??? SAME

**Rocky Balboa:** Sorry for not talking much, but I’ve noticed that nobody’s said anything about the most beautiful woman in the world’s date with me, an exceedingly average person, last night.

 **Rocky Balboa:** It was the best night of my life.

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** _Ahhhhhhhh Terra!!!_

 

 **Lockpicker:** DO I SENSE A DAD

 **Lockpicker:** in all seriousness though, that’s? so pure??? i’m happy for you

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Thank you!

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** What’s this about a dad?

 

 **Disney Princess~:** Aqua unofficially adopted all the kids here, making her our fake mom and you our fake dad.

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** Oh heck I hope I don’t let my new kids down,,,

 

 **Lockpicker:** _you’re doing great i’m love_

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** Hi love, I’m dad!

 

 **Lockpicker:** NO

 **Lockpicker:** DAMMIT

 **Lockpicker:** now i’m crying from laughing hh

 

 **Disney Princess~:** You did walk into that one, though.

 

 **Lockpicker:** yeah

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** I’m just guessing, but Terra probably has the most smug look on his face right now.

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** Listen... These are my kids now. I have to treat them as such. And if that means bad jokes, then so be it.

 

 **Lockpicker:** well at least he knows it’s a bad joke

 

 **Disney Princess~:** Sora, be nice to our new dad.

 

 **Lockpicker:** o shit u right

 **Lockpicker:** i apologize, father

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** Don’t worry about it, I know full well what I’m walking into here.

 

**_Art Queen is online_ **

 

 **Art Queen:** WOW I’ve missed a lot

 **Art Queen:** I’ve been busy lately, sorry

 

 **Disney Princess~:**  With what?

 

 **Art Queen:** I’m planning on entering an art competition, so I’ve been drafting and working on a few concepts

 

 **Lockpicker:** GOOD LUCK NAMI

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Just remember to take breaks and do wrist stretches!!

 

 **Art Queen:** Thank you!

 

**_Gender is a Social Construct is online_ **

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** hello i heard namine and art competition

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** you got this bb i believe in you

 

 **Lockpicker:** this is so wholesome i’m gonna cry

 

 **Disney Princess~:** Sora you are. A million times more sappy than this.

 

 **Lockpicker:** _hush_

 

 **Disney Princess~:**  But it’s the  t r u t h

 

 **Art Queen:** Sora, I don’t even see you that much but when I do, it’s with Riku and Kairi, so I can confirm.

 **Art Queen:** You are one of the sappiest people I’ve ever seen in my life.

 

 **Lockpicker:** I AM HU R T

 **Lockpicker:** WHY MUST YOU TURN ON ME

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** you fool

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** we were never on your side

 

 **Lockpicker:** aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** Kids, stop being mean to Sora. It’s not nice.

 

 **Lockpicker:** YEAH

 **Lockpicker:** I’M SENSITIVE

 

 **Disney Princess~:**  Ok, dad.

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** aw but i was having fun

 

 **Art Queen:** they meant to say “okay”

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** Terra, I’m honestly surprised it took you that long to step in.

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** Well, I forgot what the concept of picking on people was for a second

 **Rocky Balboa:** So I was trying to think about how to stop a fight that actually isn’t a fight.

 

 **Lockpicker:** hhNNGFHGHFHDS

 

 **Disney Princess~:** pfFFFFFF

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** i’m cackliNG

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** I’m,,, a bit concerned for you but okay.

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** I am 99% certain that you’re the only reason I haven’t died from doing something stupid yet.

 

 **Lockpicker:** OH BIG MOOD

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** _B I G  M O O D_

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** _That makes me even more concerned._

 

 **Art Queen:** It looks like the three girls here have handfuls when it comes to significant others.

 

 **Disney Princess~:** OK BUT Y’ALL DON’T HAVE _TWO_ OF THEM

 

 **Lockpicker:** “y’all”

 

 **Disney Princess~:** _shut up_

 

 **Art Queen:** Yeah, you have a point.

 

 **Strong Independent Woman:** I am sorry for your suffering, Kairi.

 

 **Disney Princess~:**  It balances out though because I get twice as many cuddles and kisses than any of you.

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** >:o

 

 **Lockpicker:** riku is more of a nuzzler than a kisser but don’t tell anyone i said that

 

 **Art Queen:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **Gender is a Social Construct:** THAT’S SO SWEET I CAN TOTALLY SEE HIM DOING THAT

 

 **Rocky Balboa:** Our children are so sweet, Aqua!

  
**Strong Independent Woman:** They sure are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally terra is back from the war (said war is neglect i’m sorry my sweet summer child)


	10. vanitas fucking murders sora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lockpicker: oh samwjflhWWFS
> 
> Lockpicker is offline
> 
> Hello Darkness My Old Friend: UH
> 
> Vanilla: i warned him
> 
> FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL: You didn’t actually kill him did you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternate titles - “vanitas is goth. you can’t change my mind”, “riku is a concerned boyfriend”, “never leave sora and vanitas unsupervised”, “2 am string cheese discourse”

**Lockpicker:** well shit it’s 2 am and i’m hungry

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Then eat

 

**Lockpicker:** but i’m tired

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Then sleep

 

**Lockpicker:** but i’m hungry

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Then I dunno kid, eat and then sleep

 

**Lockpicker:** o shit yeah good plan

**Lockpicker:** thanks lea

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** No problem

 

**Lockpicker:** ok so i have like five string cheese, a pack of saltines, and an orange jello cup

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** How filling is that going to be in the end

 

**Lockpicker:** good question

**Lockpicker:** the answer:

**Lockpicker:** we’ll find out i guess

 

**Vanilla:** sora did you just fucking go into the kitchen and grab a bunch of food

 

 **Lockpicker:** _don’t tell mom_

 

**Vanilla:** i would but then i’d have to explain why i’m up and not in my room at 2 am

 

**Lockpicker:** wait where were you

 

**Vanilla:** I WAS IN THE KITCHEN, ALSO GETTING FOOD

 

**Lockpicker:** WHAT

 

**Vanilla:** WE MADE EYE CONTACT HOW DID YOU NOT SEE ME

 

**Lockpicker:** i guarantee you it’s because of your emo wardrobe

 

**Vanilla:** there’s a difference between emo and goth but ok

**Vanilla:** wait

 

**Lockpicker:** _ so you admit that you’re goth _

 

**Vanilla:** fuCK

 

_**Hello Darkness My Old Friend is online** _

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** I wake up and decide to check my phone only to see  _ this _ .

 

**Lockpicker:** babe i got vani to admit he’s goth

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** I thought everyone already knew that?

 

**Lockpicker:** fhdjafhKJFDHSDFDL

 

**Vanilla:** that’s it i’m gonna kill riku

 

 **Lockpicker:** _bitch you better the fuck not lay a hand on him or i’ll be the one doing the killing_

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** I’m honored but also concerned, Sora please don’t

 

**Lockpicker:** ok change of topic but a question came to me while eating the string cheese

 

**Vanilla:** oh boy

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** I suddenly feel afraid

 

**Lockpicker:** am i the only one who doesn’t actually chew string cheese

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** _you what_

 

**Lockpicker:** i peel it off like all sane people should but i just. swallow it. skip the chewing part.

 

 **FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** _hey Sora what the fuck_

 

**Lockpicker:** alright so i’ll take that as i’m the only one

 

**Vanilla:** yeah because that’s fuckin weird

 

**Lockpicker:** shut up, goth boy

 

**Vanilla:** stop

 

**Lockpicker:** stop what, goth boy

 

**Vanilla:** ok that’s it fuck it i’m gonna go kill you now

 

**Lockpicker:** oh thank fuck i’ve waited long enough for the sweet release of death

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** SORA NO WHAT ABOUT KAIRI

 

**Lockpicker:** o fuck

**Lockpicker:** u right

**Lockpicker:** i’ll live for you and kairi, lights of my life

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** I’m a horrible person to live for but okay

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Riku, who hurt you

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** life

 

**Lockpicker:** oh samwjflhWWFS

 

**_Lockpicker is offline_ **

 

 **Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** _UH_

 

**Vanilla:** i warned him

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** You didn’t actually kill him did you

 

**_Lockpicker is online_ **

 

**Lockpicker:** mothERFUCKER

**Lockpicker:** HE DECKED ME IN THE HEAD WHILE I WAS EATING

**Lockpicker:** R U D E

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** This is why I can never leave you two unsupervised

 

**Lockpicker:** i was just trying to eat my jello

 

**Vanilla:** fuck you and your jello

 

**Lockpicker:** g a S P

**Lockpicker:** _R U D E_

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Is this what they’re usually like

  
**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Yeah. You get used to it though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly didn’t have anything in mind for this whole chapter i just let it write itself and i guess vanitas is a goth now


	11. Cold Used Pad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disney Princess~: he should know after 16 years of living with you that you’re a huge softie so i’m sure he didn’t take offense to it. p sure he only left for dramatic effect. or maybe to punch you, either or. maybe both.
> 
> Lockpicker: yeah you’re probably riOH SHIT
> 
> Pikabitch: is this karma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG THANKS TO SETH, MIMI, RAY, AND FISH FOR HELPING ME WRITE THIS PART

**Lockpicker:** hey guys i have a fun game

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** I already don’t trust you.

 

**Lockpicker:** ,,,,,,

**Lockpicker:** that’s fair

 

**Disney Princess~:** what’s the game?

 

**Lockpicker:** name the grossest thing you can think of in only 3 words

 

**Pikabitch:** fuckin,,, athlete’s foot

 

**Lockpicker:** o hey arlene

 

**Pikabitch:** hey

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** year old burrito

 

**Lockpicker:** pineapple on pizza (don’t @ me it’s true)

 

**Vanilla:** eating butter alone

 

**Lockpicker:** ok ignoring goth boy’s submission, all of those are pretty good

 

**Vanilla:** HEY FUCK YOU

 

**Lockpicker:** however we’re missing one

 

**Pikabitch:** oh. yeah i guess we are.

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** Her name’s Kairi, right?

 

**Lockpicker:** yeah. HEY BB WHY YA TAKIN SO LONG

 

 **Disney Princess~:** _you cannot handle The Truth_

 

**Pikabitch:** if this goes where i think it’s going i’m gonna laugh

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** Oh no

 

**Lockpicker:**  t e l l   m e

 

**Disney Princess~:** _ Cold Used Pad _

 

**Vanilla:** oh yeah that’s. hm.

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** ASUHDFISDHFS NO WHY

 

**Pikabitch:** AIN’T THAT THE FUCKING TRUTH

 

**Lockpicker:** and kai wins the game

 

**Disney Princess~:** ok but what, do tell, do i win

 

**Lockpicker:** uhhhhh would a kiss suffice

 

**Vanilla:** fuckin gross

 

**Disney Princess~:** hm,,,, yeah

 

**Pikabitch:** cute.

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** Aww, she actually means it this time!

 

**Pikabitch:** i will murder you, don’t test me.

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** Jfdshasd that’s a lie, but ok.

 

 **Vanilla:** **@Lockpicker** you’re a big sappy idiot

 

**Lockpicker:** yeah so?? at least i have a girlfriend. AND a boyfriend. bitch.

 

**_Vanilla is offline_ **

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** SDFJHLIUSDHFKUASYDHFS

 

**Pikabitch:** HOLY SHIT

 

**Disney Princess~:** _ t h e n   p e r i s h _

 

**Lockpicker:** i hope he knows i’m kidding tho bc like. he’s aroace, which is entirely valid and i wouldn’t actually say that to him

 

**Disney Princess~:** he should know after 16 years of living with you that you’re a huge softie so i’m sure he didn’t take offense to it. p sure he only left for dramatic effect. or maybe to punch you either or. maybe both.

 

**Lockpicker:** yeah you’re probably riOH SHIT

 

**Pikabitch:** is this karma

 

 **David Bowie, Bi Icon:** _What is going on I’m scared_

 

**Lockpicker:** ok so he’s uh. i thought he was gonna punch me but he actually didn’t and it was p much the opposite but if i tell you he’ll kill me

 

**Disney Princess~:** so he hugged you then?

 

**Lockpicker:** i can’t confirm and i can’t deny but i think he saw what i said when i was slightly panicking

 

**David Bowie, Bi Icon:** Oh that’s actually. A lot better than I thought ahsfdasdf

 

**Pikabitch:** that’s a shame i’d love to see someone get punched. but really that’s just anyone so no hard feelings, ok?

 

**Lockpicker:** understandable have a nice day

  
**Disney Princess~:** honestly??? Big Mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve noticed i have almost no chapters w caffeine club n og crew interaction so i’m tryna have them talk
> 
> also i Guess vanitas?? is aro-ace now??? i dunno it just happened i don’t make the rules


	12. Coffee Manager Joins The Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL: HAHA FURRY  
> FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL: ok NOW you can make fun of him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi ray i see you thank you for helping me w this chapter you beautiful lesbian  
> also it’s kinda a short chapter oops

**Art Queen:** AAAAAAAAAAA I’M BACK

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** !!! NAMI

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** hey Namine, what’s going on?

 

**Art Queen:** hhhnnnnnggghhh I’ve been so busy with the art competition, BUT IT’S OVER NOW AND I WON AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** FUCK YEAH YOU DID

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** !!!! NICE

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** GOOD JOB, CHILD

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Hm. I have a question but.

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Honestly I’m not even gonna ask this time

 

**Art Queen:** What?

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** I’m gonna bring a friend here, nobody make fun of him ok

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** i usually would say no, but ok. just this once.

 

**_FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL has added Werewolf Enthusiast to A Far-Off Memory Is Like A Scattered Meme_ **

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** HAHA FURRY

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** ok NOW you can make fun of him

 

**Werewolf Enthusiast:** I hate this.

 

**Art Queen:** o h

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** JSFDHSDFSDFJLS

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** wow holy shit

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Anyways this is Isa, manager of coffee shop and also my best friend, object of my affection for a while, also did i mention he’s my bf yet

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** ,,,,,lea are you fucking your way up the ranks

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** ,,,,,,,,,,,no

 

**Werewolf Enthusiast:** Yes. He most definitely is.

 

**Art Queen:** Gay????? Gay.

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** very gay, yes.

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Ok but would werewolves be furry or monsterfucking

 

**Art Queen:** jsfSDLFHSDF

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** HOLY SHIT RIKU

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** I dunno let’s ask the enthusiast. Isa?

 

**Werewolf Enthusiast:** ,,,,,,both

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Thanks for clearing that up, I’ll have to relay that information to Sora

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** i’m sorry wh a t

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** ,,,,,,,,so we’ve been having that exact debate for years

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Sora has the same opinion as Isa

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Uhhhh so what’s your opinion then??

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Just Monsterfucking

 

**Art Queen:** Sometimes I wonder how some of us are still alive.

 

**Werewolf Enthusiast:** Wait

**Werewolf Enthusiast:** Lea?

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** what is it

 

**Werewolf Enthusiast:** I looked at the member list and... are your coworkers here

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** The plot thickens

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** Teddie Does, Too

 

**Art Queen:** Asjdfsd what does that  _ mean _

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyeah

 

**Werewolf Enthusiast:** ... Who?

 

**FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL:** Myde, Arlene, and Lumaria

 

**Werewolf Enthusiast:** ...

**Werewolf Enthusiast:** Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendly reminder once again that i use lumaria bc i like it more, this is an au anyways. arlene and myde are larxene and demyx. anyways it’s gonna be great when the other 3 members of the coffee crew see their manager and make fun of him. except myde. he's too nice.


	13. hhhnnngggg wotor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rucksack: who wants to huddle together in support on the astral plane
> 
> Gender is a Social Construct: i would die for sora so yes
> 
> Lockpicker: NOT IF I DIE FOR YOU FIRST
> 
> Hello Darkness My Old Friend: SORA, NO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda a short chapter and my excuse is school but really it's just me not having many ideas  
> so a storm woke me up at 5 am and i’m so tired. alternate title is “sora and vanitas support squad”  
> beginning note 2.0 - it’s been raining for a stupidly long time we don’t need this what the fu

**Lockpicker:** WHY DOES THUNDER HAVE TO BE SO LOUD

**Lockpicker:** IT’S FIVE AM LET US SLEEP GOD

 

**Disney Princess~:** The pain of living in a tropical area

 

**Vanilla:** if the power goes out i’m going to stab whatever decided to drop all this on us

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Sora are you doing ok, I know you don’t like storms

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** o shit that’s right

 

**Rucksack:** SORA SUPPORT SQUAD LET’S GO

 

**Lockpicker:** _VANITAS SUPPORT SQUAD TOO BUDDY_

 

**Vanilla:** .

 

**Disney Princess~:** Vanitas I will hug you don’t fucking try me

 

**Vanilla:** no i have no doubts of that

**Vanilla:** i just don’t appreciate emotions at the moment

 

**Lockpicker:** hnngghhh fuck! shit! there’s a flood watch!!!

 

**Rucksack:** who wants to huddle together in support on the astral plane

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** i would die for sora so yes

 

**Lockpicker:** _ NOT IF I DIE FOR YOU FIRST _

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** SORA, NO

 

**Disney Princess~:** SORA NO

 

**Rucksack:** jfc sora

 

**Vanilla:** Thanks Mother Nature! I Hate It!

 

**Lockpicker:** that’s it ok vani i’m going to you and you can’t stop me

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Operation we all go to Vanitas and Sora’s house because comfort

 

**Lockpicker:** ok but i Hate that every time we get a storm this bad i worry about mom n shit????

 

**Vanilla:** she’s probably also awake

 

**Lockpicker:** You’re right. Ok I’m gonna go to your room and drag you with me

 

**Vanilla:** ok

 

**Rucksack:** my plans have been thwarted by my own tiredness i gotta clock out

 

**Disney Princess~:** gn Roxas! Blease stay safe in case this reaches you

 

**Rucksack:** thanks

 

**_Rucksack is offline_ **

 

**Gender is a Social Construct:** i’m sending my love and support

 

**Lockpicker:** thank

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** bitch me too the fuck

 

**Vanilla:** ,,,,,,it’s appreciated

 

**Lockpicker:** Ok well I have vani (I’m going to murder my phone), so I don’t think we’ll be on for the rest of the night, so gn babes

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** Night!

 

**Disney Princess~:** gn Sora! I love you~

 

**Lockpicker:** ily both 

 

**Disney Princess~:** _say it riku, you coward_

 

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** ......

**Hello Darkness My Old Friend:** I love you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIKU FINALLY GETS OVER HIS OWN SHYNESS i honestly wasn’t expecting that to happen??  
> also whoa is that me putting angst in? the answer is yes when i’m not writing this i Only write angst, twas only a matter of time before this happened  
> stuff will be addressed in the future??? maybe. if not i’ll throw in explanations at the end notes.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [YoU're StUpiD](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15732840) by [AnaNegitoro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnaNegitoro/pseuds/AnaNegitoro)




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